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| An Introvert's Bag of Books (Photo credit: jurvetson) |
If
you follow this blog then you know that one of my areas of interest and
expertise is personality styles. In particular, I am trained as a DISC
behavior consultant and one way that I love to share this information is
through parenting classes that encourage parents to recognize and celebrate the
strengths of their children's personality language. When I teach this
information, I always emphasize is that there is no single personality style
that is better than another. This
statement often resonates in a powerful way with many participants since our
culture does promote the extroverted personality style over the introverted as
the way to be successful, popular and well-adjusted.
I've
just finished the best book I've ever read on introverted personality styles
and I can't wait to share it with you. The book is called
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan
Cain. While this book is primarily written for adults who are introverts,
there is much information in this book about children and parenting.
Cain
begins the book by tracing the history of the popularity of the extroverted
personality style. It is fascinating stuff as she discusses how the United
States valued character more than personality style prior to the rise of the
Dale Carnegie Institute. As his
brand of the “mighty likeable fellow” became a prototype for the successful
American, extroversion became the cultural ideal. This cultural norm would be encouraged through articles in
newspapers and magazines as well as through the advertising medium. At
the same time that the extroverted personality style was being held up as the
standard to strive toward, the introverted personality style was being
downplayed as the style of social misfits. Rather than celebrating differences and recognizing their
many strengths, introverts were told they had an “inferiority complex” and
encouraged to work at changing themselves into the more socially adept and
successful extroverts. Dale
Carnegie’s book, How To Win Friends and Influence People is a prime example of
this mentality.
Cain’s
book is full of research validating the differences in personality that even
infants and young children display. However her main focus is the
often-overlooked value and strengths of the introvert. She concludes her book with a section
on “How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World That Can’t Hear Them”. Her advice to parents can be summarized
as follows:
·
Take
the time to understand the personality style of your introverted child
·
Don’t
try to change them into someone more extroverted by pushing them into sports,
activities, play dates or anything that they are not interested in doing
·
Recognize
that the areas where they have strengths are sometimes solitary pursuits. Encourage and celebrate these talents.
·
Learn
about and share with them the lives of some of the famous introverts. Rosa Parks, Einstein and Eleanor
Roosevelt are a few.
·
Recognize
and teach children that introverts can be leaders, performers, really anything
that they have a passion for, they just go at it from a different direction.
·
Celebrate
with your child the characteristics they have that make them uniquely special.
What
about you? Are you an introvert or
an extrovert? What struggles have
you had with celebrating your unique personality style?
This hits so close to home for me. My children are grown, but I instinctively made the choice to let them be whoever they wanted to be, and do whatever they wanted to do as children, and they are all happy, well adjusted adults. I find I do a lot more observing with my grandchildren, who are all unique and marvelous. I enjoyed this post and found myself nodding my head as I read it. I'll have to add Susan Cain's book to my reading list.
ReplyDeleteThanks Cath for your comment. As an introvert myself, I have struggled with accepting and finally celebrating this personality style. This book provides so much research and understanding of the history of the introvert as well as the strengths that I couldn't possibly get it all in one post. The difficulty for me with my children is that their personality styles are more extroverted and I think I had trouble understanding the difference. This book is a treasure in both respects.
ReplyDeleteYet another informative, helpful post, Lynne! Although I never had issues being a social person, I've always lived in the land of imagination and dreams, loving quiet and solitude. Maybe, I'm a split personality? :)
ReplyDeleteI will tell my daughter about this book; I think it would be helpful to her as a parent.
Blessings to you!