Parenting Your Careful, Conscientious Child

Image by M@rg via Flickr

So your child isn't a high energy, steady or  strong willed child.  What is the last personality style?  My youngest daughter was the child who asked questions constantly. Not only did she ask questions until you thought you would scream, she would argue with you when you gave her an answer.  Here's an example.  One day she asked me how babies came out.  Trying to be the helpful, informative mom, I launched into  all the details.  When I finished, she looked at me with a sort of exasperated look and said, "No, I mean do they come out on a conveyor belt or what?"

That's an example of a 'C' or competent personality.  They are cautious, careful, conscientious, love to be correct, and consistent, just to name a few descriptive words.  They tend to be extremely gifted and make up about 20-25% of the population.  Sometimes they have a perfectionistic, idealistic personality and can be very loyal to ideas and traditions. They tend to see the world as black and white and are often impatient with other's perceptions that are different from their own.  They like to be right and follow the rules.  They expect others to do the same and may get frustrated with others who do not measure up.  Not as outgoing as the determined or 'D' type they tend to be task oriented instead of people oriented.  Quality and details are important to them, so they cannot be rushed or pushed.  They need time to make decisions since they like to gather the facts and do things correctly.  Sometimes this perfectionistic bent lead to analysis paralysis, where they cannot make decision and more forward because they can always gather more facts to analyze before making the perfect decision.

This is a child who benefits from sincere praise and appreciation of a job well done.  Criticism should be gentle. They need time to make decisions since they like to gather the facts and do things correctly. An important role of the parent of a 'C' child is to help them see the big picture and not get too caught up in the details.  Help them discover quality answers to their many questions and encourage their curiosity about the world and how it works.  Encourage them to interact with others and learn to empathize with feelings.  Celebrate the 'C' child's naturally inquisitive nature, and their desire to do things right and with high value.  Oh, and get ready for those challenging "where do babies come from..." questions.  Smile.

Parenting The Shy Sensitive Child

You gotta love kids.  I was recently teaching a class on feelings and the book I was reading had the line in it... "Are you feeling bold?".  I've learned never to assume that children know what I am talking about, so I stopped and asked the kindergarten class if they knew what bold meant.  Being five and six year olds they of course did.  The child I called on confidently replied "You know, it's when you have no hair."

We have been talking about the different personality styles in children and today's post is about the 'S' personality style.  Bold is definitely NOT a word that would be used to describe them.  In fact, they often tend to be shy, reserved and reluctant to move outside of the status quo.  They have lots of wonderful qualities including:  steady, stable and supportive. They are people pleasers with a servant's heart, who often  consider others and their needs first. 'S' type children are delightful to be around and if you have one in your family, you are blessed. Teachers especially enjoy having 'S' type students in their classroom. They are highly motivated to perform and please the adults around them. They are the students who draw a picture or write you a letter to let you know that you are the best teacher in the world. About 30-35% of the population is wired with the S type personality and as adults, they are most commonly found in service industry jobs. Teachers and nurses for instance, are usually S types.

What is the downside of the S type personality? They can be too devoted to pleasing others. They may need to learn that friendship sometimes needs to take second place to other aspects of their lives. In addition, they need to learn that conflict can be healthy and necessary. Be sure to balance doing things for your 'S' child with encouraging the child to do things for himself. They often need help starting tasks and making decisions although they are great at finishing tasks once started.   They will need to learn to form opinions for themselves and not to be easily influenced by others who have a more dominant personality.  Make sure you offer lots of appreciation and support to the 'S' child and they will thrive. Take a softer and more gentle approach by speaking in softer less demanding tones.  Show appreciation for who they are rather than on what they accomplish.  Celebrate the dependable, compassionate nature of their personality which always strives for peace and harmony in the family.

Image by Andrei! via Flickr

Parenting the High Energy Child

Image via Wikipedia

In the last post, I talked about the 'D' wired personality.  Another outgoing personality type is the 'I' profile.  See if you can tell the characteristics of this child from the following letter. It was written to Bethany Hamilton, the young surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack. In a fourth grade guidance lesson about people who overcame great difficulties and finished strong, we studied Bethany’s story then each student wrote her a letter. Here’s the letter:

Dear Bethany,

My name is Carleigh. I’m enjoying learning about you. What do you like to do when you’re not surfing? Are you still surfing? Are you married, and do you have any kids? Lots of people like you. You are the people’s competition winner! Oh, yay, have a great Halloween and have a great Christmas with your family. And tell your family members have a great day and have great holidays.

Sincerely, Carleigh

P.S. You’re a great surfer and keep up the good work! It’s possible so do what you got to do Bethany! You’re a great person and don’t ever forget that. Your parents raised you swell.

I think from this letter, you might feel like you know more about Carleigh, the student, than Bethany the surfer. Do the words, inspirational, impressionable, imaginative, friendly, talkative, outgoing, enthusiastic, warm and fun come to mind? You have just described the child who is high 'I'. They love to be the center of attention, are extremely social, excited, warm and friendly. Unlike the 'D' profile, they are people-oriented, not task oriented. If you want someone to boost your spirits or to plan a party, talk to an 'I' personality. However, if you want to get the job done…maybe you want to find another personality type. Just as with all the personalities, the 'I' profile has weaknesses including unfocused, impulsive, unrealistic and directionless. 

What can you do to help the high I child succeed? Provide the high 'I' child with recognition and they will flourish. At the same time they need to have clear boundaries and be held accountable and responsible. Just as they are great at influencing and encouraging others they can also lean toward manipulating others with their charming personality.  Don’t let them talk their way out of the necessary chores and details of life!  The energizing fuel for this personality is FUN!  You will get better cooperation if you can inject some element of fun into their responsibilities.  Perhaps make it into a game or contest. Resist bailing them out when they fail to follow-through though and help them develop the discipline necessary to accomplish their goals.

As always, your own personality style can influence how you parent.  If you are a high 'D' personality style, you will need to remember that the 'I' personality is more concerned about relationships and having fun than results.  Your skill in accomplishing the goals is something the 'I' personality can benefit from learning.  Help them learn to transform talk into action.  If you are also an 'I' wired parent then you will have a lot in common with your fun-loving and social child.  However, make sure that you help your child develop organizational skills and responsibility as well.  If you are a 'S' wired parent, keeping up with the pace of this active and outgoing child can be a challenge for you.  You must learn to set firm limits and follow through, since her charming and fast-talking ability can leave you wondering how you got persuaded into something you had no intention of doing.  Hold her accountable and do not overdo for her.  If you are a 'C' wired parent, you must first recognize that your personality is exactly opposite of that of your 'I' wired child.  You may need to modify your high expectations and look for ways to encourage him in his strengths.  This child hungers for acceptance and recognition, so find ways to encourage them as much as they encourage others.  Finally, no matter what your wired parenting style is, find time to enjoy your high 'I' child as much as they enjoy life!  They can bring sunshine and smiles into any group they are a part of.  Hopefully like Carleigh, they will someday say, "You raised me swell."

Looking for another great book to learn more about the different personality styles?  Try Positive Personality Profiles by Dr. Robert A. Rohm.  It will encourage you to celebrate your child's unique wired style.  You can get a copy and a 10% discount by going to http://www.wyattthewonderdog.com/ and clicking on the personality insights link.  Or you can buy it on Amazon:

Do you sometimes wish your child came with an instruction manual? Not only do children come in all shapes and sizes, they also come with different personality styles. Understanding and communicating in your child’s personality style is essential to empowering your child to develop high self esteem and reach their potential. It's also a key ingredient in creating and maintaining a good relationship with your child. By focusing on how your child is wired, you can empower them to recognize and maximize their strengths. You can communicate in ways that your child will understand. 


Next Sunday, September 11th, I will again be offering a parenting class at Kennesaw United Methodist Church.  In the class you will:
• Learn to identify your own personality style

• Learn to identify your child’s natural wired style

• Learn what secret fuel each personality type needs for motivation

• Learn practical techniques for encouraging and empowering your child to be their best!

I hope you will join me for an exciting evening September 11th at 5:00pm. 

Parenting Classes At Kennesaw United Methodist Church

Do you sometimes wish your child came with an instruction manual? Not only do children come in all shapes and sizes, they also come with different personality styles. Understanding and communicating in your child’s personality style is essential to empowering your child to develop high self esteem and reach their potential. It's also a key ingredient in creating and maintaining a good relationship with your child. By focusing on how your child is wired, you can empower them to recognize and maximize their strengths. You can communicate in ways that your child will understand. 


Beginning in August, I will again be offering parenting classes at Kennesaw United Methodist Church.  In the class you will:
• Learn to identify your own personality style

• Learn to identify your child’s natural wired style

• Learn what secret fuel each personality type needs for motivation

• Learn practical techniques for encouraging and empowering your child to be their best!

Classes are scheduled on August 28th and September 11th at 5:00pm.  I hope you will join me for an exciting evening!

How Are You Wired For Summer?

Summer vacations are upon us!  Summer is filled with sleeping late, days at the pool, friends getting together and lots of free time to do whatever you want.  It sounds heavenly...but sometimes the end result falls short of the mark.  As a mom, I can remember looking forward to the summer months with guarded anticipation.  The first few days were relaxing and fun and then the dreaded B word would surface - "I'm Bored!"  Being the ultimate problem solver that I am, I tried a lot of different things but I must admit that I didn't take into account my children's personality type as I planned their days.  What a difference that might have made!

For the high 'D' type, plan some activities that involve physical activities and challenges - join a swim team, sign up for camp or plan a neighborhood get-together.  The 'D's' love anything that involves a challenge and offers clear results.  Put them in charge or the activities and they are working in their strengths.

For the 'I' wired child, social activites are a priority.  This child will enjoy attending play groups, vacation Bible school, drama camp anything where they find lots of friends participating.  In fact, to get an activity going well, ask them to invite all their friends.  You will soon have a party going on!

The 'S' wired child would probably be content just to hang around the house entertaining themselves with a few close friends.  They like  creative pursuits, a laid back easy going routine and a peaceful environment.  Lots of rushing off to camp or classes is not for them.

Finally the 'C' wired child likes plenty of opportunities to investigate and discover.  While they might enjoy a science or computer camp, they could be equally happy pursuing their own projects at home.  Encourage them in their quest for the right way to do things. 

Well, there you have it.  A unique way of looking at your summer plans based on your child's personality style.  So often we feel compelled to send all our children to camp or sign them all up for swim team.  However, sometimes the activity doesn't fit the personality.  First recognize your child's unique strength and gifts and then plan your summer accordingly. The lazy days of summer will go much more smoothly.

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