Do you sometimes wish your child came with an instruction manual? Not only do children come in all shapes and sizes, they also come with different personality styles. Understanding and communicating in your child’s personality style is essential to empowering your child to develop high self esteem and reach their potential. It's also a key ingredient in creating and maintaining a good relationship with your child. By focusing on how your child is wired, you can empower them to recognize and maximize their strengths. You can communicate in ways that your child will understand. 


Next Sunday, September 11th, I will again be offering a parenting class at Kennesaw United Methodist Church.  In the class you will:
• Learn to identify your own personality style

• Learn to identify your child’s natural wired style

• Learn what secret fuel each personality type needs for motivation

• Learn practical techniques for encouraging and empowering your child to be their best!

I hope you will join me for an exciting evening September 11th at 5:00pm. 

Speaking Your Child's Personality Language

Image by cobalt123 via FlickrRecently, I was talking with a kindergarten teacher who told me a child came into her class that morning announcing proudly that she would be attending pajama class after school. Being a pro at deciphering children's language, she quickly realized the student was talking about going to drama class after school...

Speaking a child's language is helpful in parenting as well.  In the previous posts, I've been talking about New Year's Resolutions and setting goals.  If you want to help your child set goals that motivate them, it helps if you speak their personality language.  For instance, if you have a D wired child, then you would want to help them chose a goal that is very specific and has a deadline.  D personalities are highly motivated and competitive, so setting a goal to give their energy some direction will be very successful.  I wired children are great starters but not such great finishers.  They also thrive on social interaction and recognition, so setting a goal that involves a social network to support and encourage them to achieve it would be best.  Add in an element of fun and the I wired child will be hooked.  S wired children are great finishers but have difficulty starting tasks.  They are very tuned in to the needs of others and will work to accomplish a goal as much to please you as to please themselves.  Select a goal that they can commit to with your support or the support of a close friend to motivate them to get going. Finally, C wired children love to develop and research a goal.  If they are committed, they will work hard to accomplish the task.  Help them see the big picture so that they don't get lost in the details and you will have a winning combination. Learning to set and accomplish goals is an important skill to learn and by speaking your child's personality language, you can ensure that they are successful.

Inspirational “I” Personalities

Have you recognized your child’s personality in the examples so far? There is one more left and it is the child with the high I profile. See if you can tell the characteristics of this child from the following letter. It was written to Bethany Hamilton, the young surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack. We studied Bethany’s story in a guidance lesson about people who overcame great difficulties and finished strong. Here’s the letter:

Dear Bethany,

My name is Carleigh. I’m enjoying learning about you. What do you like to do when you’re not surfing? Are you still surfing? Are you married, and do you have any kids? Lots of people like you. You are the people’s competition winner! Oh, yay, have a great Halloween and have a great Christmas with your family. And tell your family members have a great day and have great holidays.

Sincerely, Carleigh

P.S. You’re a great surfer and keep up the good work! It’s possible so do what you got to do Bethany! You’re a great person and don’t ever forget that. Your parents raised you swell.

I think from this letter, you might feel like you know more about Carleigh, the student, than Bethany the surfer. Do the words, inspirational, impressionable, imaginative, friendly, talkative, outgoing, enthusiastic, warm and fun come to mind? You have just described the child who is high I. They love to be the center of attentive, are extremely social, excited, warm and friendly. They are a people person, not a task oriented person. If you want someone to boost your spirits or to plan a party, talk to an I personality. However, if you want to get the job done…maybe you want to find another personality type. Just as with all the personalities, the I profile has weaknesses including unfocused, impulsive, unrealistic and directionless. What can you do to help the high I child succeed? Provide the high I child with recognition and they will flourish. At the same time they need to have clear boundaries and be held accountable and responsible. Don’t let them talk their way out of the necessary chores and details of life. You will get better cooperation in this area if you can make their responsibilities into a game or contest. Resist bailing them out when they fail to follow-through and help them develop the discipline necessary to accomplish their goals. Enjoy your high I child as much as they enjoy life!

Princes And Buggers

I’ve written before about Walt, my friend’s grandson who continues to charm all the adults in his life with his adorable observations. His preschool class was having a prince and princess theme day and he was dressed for the part in his special grown up suit. On the drive to school, he informed his mother that he didn’t think he could be a prince after all…the reason? Princes don’t have buggers and he had lots of them. His mother looked over to see that he had evidence of the fact on the tip of his finger.


Walter is an excellent example of an S personality type. They are steady, stable and supportive. They are people pleasers and servants who consider others and their needs. S type children are delightful to be around and if you have one in your family, you are blessed. Teachers especially enjoy having S type students in their classroom. They are highly motivated to perform and please the adults around them. They are the students who draw a picture or write you a letter to let you know that you are the best teacher in the world. About 30-35% of the population is wired with the S type personality and they are most commonly found in service industry jobs. Teachers and nurses for instance, are usually S types.

What is the downside of the S type personality? They often are too devoted to pleasing others. They may need to learn that friendship sometimes needs to take second place to other aspects of their lives. In addition, they need to learn that conflict can be healthy and necessary. Be sure to balance doing things for your S child with encouraging the child to do things for himself. They can be such smooth talking charmers that you wind up wondering why you gave permission for some activity in the first place! They will need to learn to form opinions for themselves and not to be easily influenced by others who have a more dominant personality.

Does Your Child Say Who? Why?

So your child isn't a lion or a strong willed child.  What are the other options?  My youngest child was the child who asked questions constantly. Not only did she ask questions until you thought you would scream, she would argue with you when you gave her an answer.  Here's an example.  One day she asked me how babies came out.  Trying to be the helpful, informative mom, I launched into  all the details.  When I finished, she looked at me with a sort of exasperated look and said, "No, I mean do they come out on a conveyor belt or what?"

That's an example of a C or competent personality.  They are cautious, careful, have great critical thinking skills, conscientious, love to be correct, and consistent, just to name a few descriptive words.  They tend to be extremely gifted and make up about 20-25% of the population.  Sometimes they have a perfectionistic, idealistic personality and can be very loyal to ideas and traditions. Not as outgoing as the determined or D type they tend to be task oriented instead of people oriented.  This is a child who benefits from sincere praise and appreciation of a job well done.  Criticism should be gentle.  They cannot be rushed or pushed since quality and details are important to them.  They need time to make decisions since they like to gather the facts and do things correctly. Developing parental patience is an important quality to have if you have a C type child.  The animal associated with this personality?  An owl.

Is Your Child A Lion?

I have a comic strip on my door at work that has a little boy telling his Dad, "You'll never be as smart as me dad.  Back when God built your brain...he was using older technology."  Pretty clever, huh?  Probably hits home for many parents like me who rely on younger children to tweak their websites, blog posts and download all kinds of materials that seem beyond  our older antiquated computer competencies.  Just last night I was trying to insert a picture into a profile  and guess what happened?  The picture on my desktop became so enlarged that I could literally count the hairs on my head.  Gives a new meaning to the term, 'Big hair" doesn't it?  My daughter was amazed at what I had done...not pleasantly impressed but amazed none the less.

There's another aspect of this cartoon that I like to focus on:  How is this kid wired?  What is his personality style?  Not hard to guess if you are familiar with the  DISC profile.  Sounds like a D profile to me.  Often represented as a lion or an eagle, here are some words to describe them: determined, decisive, demanding, takes charge, bold, self-reliant, independent, confident, direct, competitive, challenges the status quo.  Sound like anyone in your house?  If so, I bet you are wondering how can you create a climate that ensures peace in your household while still ensuring success for the D wired child?  Here's a few recommendations:  Provide them with a challenge as well as some control in order to get their best cooperation.  Give them room to not only grow but fail when necessary.  Crystal clear boundaries, preferably written down, so they know your expectations will be essential.  The more you can encourage ownership of the situation, the better will be their cooperation and participation.

How Are You Wired?

It's the beginning of a new school year and as I meet new students and welcome returning students, I am always struck by how different each child's response is to returning to school.  I often ask students as part of a lesson to think back to the first day of school and remember how they felt.  The response is everything from shy and nervous to excited and happy. We are all wired differently!

There are lots of great resources and books about starting school and a very clever book that I just found is Brand-new Pencils, Brand-new Books by Diane deGroat.  It is the story of Gilbert who is starting first grade and his sister Lola who is starting preschool.  The reader follows Gilbert through his first day jitters and concerns about having a nice teacher, having work that is too hard and making friends.  This book would be a great one to reassure an anxious child about the first day of school and the situations they could expect to encounter at school.

Another resource for determining your child's personality style is a website called http://www.mywiredstyle.com/ .  Deb Ingino who created a program based on the DISC profile for children, is passionate about understanding your child's wired style and then focusing on their strengths.  Both parent and child can  benefit from a better understanding of their wired style and how this impacts their learning style and their relationships with others.