Four Ways to Tackle Sibling Rivalry

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We're a few weeks into the summer break here in Georgia and I've been posting information on positive ways children can enjoy the special summer time.  However, as a parent and an older sister, there's no question that time together usually also makes for times of sibling conflict. We can all probably remember the sibling rivalry that went on in our own families.  At the same time one of the most infuriating things to deal with as a parent is children that fight and argue. However the conflict and arguments that are an inevitable part of siblings growing up together are also great opportunities for children to learn interpersonal skills.  Here are some ways that you as parent can ease the tension when children disagree and encourage cooperation and understanding.

• Individualize your children – recognize their different personality styles and talents. I've written a lot about personality styles, so I won't go into that here but a huge part of reconciling conflicts is recognizing that each child has their own unique personality and hence different things are important to each.  Recognizing strengths and maximizing them is a great way to honor the individuality of each child.  Keep in mind that it takes a lot of positive to make up for even one negative so keep positive in the forefront. Practical ways that you can do this are by spending one-on-one time regularly with each child and letting him choose what you do together.  Point out the areas in his life where you see him excelling as well as the things you see him struggling with. 
• Model how to compromise and solve conflicts--Children learn from us how to handle difficult situations.  Talk with her about the challenges you face everyday and and how you worked out the problem.  Make sure you aren't blaming others or pointing out other's faults, but rather are honestly sharing how you reconcile differences.  As you encounter conflicts in your children's lives remind them of good skills for working problems out.  Point out that just as you had to compromise, or consider options or look at things a different perspective, so she can do this as well in her interactions.
• Encourage positive and constructive communication--Teach your child that conflicts are normal but certain ways of interacting are not.  Blaming, threatening, name-calling, teasing, physically fighting etc are all negative ways to interact and never solve problems. Consequences should be in place for any negative behavior. Instead, teach your child to identify the problem and then consider the possibilities for resolution.  Does one child want to play with a toy and the other not want to share?  Ask them to list all the possible solutions to the is problem; play together with the toy, set a timer for each child to play individually with the toy, both take a break and play with something else, etc.  Then rather than you as the parent making the executive decision have them work together to decide which choice is best.  Teach them ways to decide such as; vote, roll a dice and high number wins, rock, paper scissors.  The point here is that as parents we aren't just solving their problems, we are teaching them how to solve much bigger conflicts later in life.  Does this take more time than putting the toy up and not letting anyone play with it?  Yes!  But in the long run you are saving time because children are learning to solve their own problems rather than rely on you every time. 
• Frame conflict as an opportunity rather than a problem--Some personality styles are more sensitive to conflict than others.  Some would rather avoid it and others prefer to face it head on.  Teach your children that conflict is normal but how you look at it is important.  Instead of a problem, consider it an opportunity to become closer to each other, to establish rules of play or family time, to understand each other's point of view better.  In order to do this, we need to encourage dialogue rather than separation.  As a parent, I would sometime separate my daughters in their own rooms "until you can get along."  Unfortunately nothing is happening in the separate rooms to encourage this. Instead consider having the children in conflict sit beside each other and talk until they can solve their differences. 
• Recognize your own feelings surrounding conflict and interpersonal differences.  Just as our children come with their own personalities, we as parents have not only our own temperament but our own history with sibling rivalry.  Were you the youngest child in your family who felt continually picked on by the oldest?  Were you the middle child who felt you had to create conflict to get noticed?  Our own history may flavor how we react to conflict in our children.  Make sure that you are operating out of a calm space and teaching good skills rather than taking sides or replaying your own history.

 Sibling rivalry can be seen as a problem to be squashed or an opportunity to build character, cooperation, understanding, compromising skills and closeness if we give our children the support and encouragement to help them work it out. As parents we can model and teach the best way to solve interpersonal conflicts, leaving our children with skills they will use all their lives.

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Summertime Reading for Children of All Ages

Summer is a great time to encourage kids to spend time reading. Not only is it entertaining but studies have shown that over the summer months, students typically lose many of the reading skills that they have worked so hard to gain throughout the school year. Parents can prevent this by making sure that there are plenty of opportunities to read. There are a lot of great books out there too that are not only exciting adventures but wonderful messages as well.

Friend and newly published author, Martha Orlando has a trilogy that is just out this spring.  If you want a young adult book that is packed with action, humor and inspiration, you can't beat A Trip, A Tryst and a Terror, Children of the Garden and the newest one soon to be out,  The Moment of Truth.

My friend Erin Casey, editor of Success magazine, has penned two terrific young adult books in her Zany Zia Hats To Where series. In the first book, An All Knight Adventure, Evan Tanner is transported to a castle in the middle ages where he conquers his fears in order to battle dragons and bullies. In Lost in Comanche Country, Marianna bravely navigates between Indian warriors, hungry mountain lions and cowboys out for revenge, while learning that despite all our differences we still have much in common if we will but take the time to get to know each other. For more information check out the Zany Zia website here. 

Jordan Crowl, author of Ed's Journal is a talented author and illustrator who has written a series of character education books which allow the reader to determine possible choices and consequences.  These books make for great discussions between children and parents, as well as a wonderful lesson too. He's written several but here are a couple of my favorites:

Finally, I just have to mention my own series of books about Wyatt the Wonder Dog.  In the first book, Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns About Good Manners, Wyatt learns what to do about a bossy friend who doesn't use his manners. In the second book, Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns About Being Organized, Wyatt learns how to plan ahead and organize his day, a skill that I've had many adults tell me they need to develop as well!  In the most recent book, Wyatt the Wonder Dog Goes to Kindergarten, Wyatt learns that adjusting to change can often be very rewarding.  All the books are available on amazon.com  and I have included affiliate links.  Curious about the next Wyatt book that will be out soon this year?  Follow our progress on the Wyatt site.  Happy Summertime Reading!

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Six Ways to Nurture Introverted Children

In my last blog post, I discussed the importance of recognizing personality styles.  I believe that understanding and celebrating the different personality blends is key to working with children. Recently there has been renewed interest and research on the quiet or introverted personality. Referred to as the 'S' personality style in the DISC profile, they can be described as shy, reserved and reluctant to move outside of the status quo. They have lots of wonderful qualities including: sweet, steady, stable and supportive. They are people pleasers with a servant's heart, who often consider others and their needs first. 'S' type children are delightful to be around and if you have one in your family or your classroom, you are blessed. They are highly motivated to perform and please the adults around them. They are the students who draw a picture or write you a letter to let you know that you are the best teacher in the world. About 30-35% of the population is wired with the 'S' type personality.

Books on My Shelf About Shy or Introverted Children

 There are lots of books written about introverted or shy children.  Here are a few of my favorites:



Every class has its share of shy children and the book, Too Shy for Show and Tell by Beth Bracken outlines many of the fears of Sam. Sam loves chocolate cake and trucks but no one knows that because Sam rarely talks. On the the day that he is to share something at Show and Tell he tries everything from faking illness to pretending that he forgot his item to share. When he finally gets up and shares a picture of his new dog, not only does he not faint or throw-up (his two biggest fears), he also makes new friends because now they know something about him. This is an empowering book that acknowledges the difficulties of children who are shy while it offers encouragement to face the fears and reap the benefits of sharing.




Sometimes you read a book that really captures a personality style perfectly. Deb Fox's book, The Quiet Kid is one of those books. She compares the quiet personality of the child to a sailboat and you can just feel the peace and calm through her amazing illustrations that accompany the poem. This is a great book for validating the strengths and resources of the 'S' personality. 


      Customer Image from Amazon.com

Quiet, The Power of  Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain is one of my favorite books of all time.  The information and the research that it offers for parents and teachers is invaluable.  Not only is it a well-researched book that identifies research on the introverted personality, it clearly highlights the strengths and importance of validating this under-appreciated personality style.

  Celebrate the 'S' Personality Style

Cain concludes her book with a section on "How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World That Can't Hear Them".  Here are some of her suggestions:

• Take the time to understand the personality style of your introverted child
• Don't try to change them into someone more extroverted by pushing them into sports, play dates or other activities. 
• Recognize that the areas where they have strengths are sometimes solitary pursuits.  Encourage and celebrate these talents.
• Learn about and share with them the lives of some of the famous introverts.  Rosa Parks, Albert Einstein and Eleanor Roosevelt are a few.
• Recognize and teach children that introverts can be leaders, performers, really anything that they have a passion for.  They just go at it from a different direction.
• Celebrate with your child the characteristics they have that make them uniquely special.

Do you have a shy or introverted child in your family?  How do you nurture and celebrate their strengths? 

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Consider Your Child's Personality When Planning Summertime Activities

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Summer vacations are upon us! Summer is filled with sleeping late, days at the pool, friends getting together and lots of free time. It sounds heavenly, but sometimes the end result falls short of the mark. As a mom, I can remember looking forward to the summer months with guarded anticipation. The first few days were relaxing and fun and then the dreaded B word would surface - "I'm Bored!" Being the ultimate problem solver that I am, I tried a lot of different things but I must admit that I didn't take into account my children's personality type as I planned their days. What a difference that might have made!

There are four basic personality styles and here's a short description of the characteristics of each one:

D: dominant, determined, doer, demanding
I: inspiring, influencing, interactive
S: stable, supportive, sweet, shy
C: cautious, competent, calculating, concerned

For the high 'D' type, plan some activities that involve physical activities and challenges - join a swim team, sign up for camp or plan a neighborhood get-together. The 'D's' love anything that involves a challenge and offers clear results. Put them in charge of the activities and they are working in their strengths.

For the 'I' wired child, social activites are a priority. This child will enjoy attending play groups, vacation Bible school, drama camp anything where they find lots of friends participating. In fact, to get an activity going well, ask them to invite all their friends. You will soon have a party going on!

The 'S' wired child would probably be content just to hang around the house entertaining themselves with a few close friends. They like creative pursuits, a laid back easy going routine and a peaceful environment. Lots of rushing off to camp or classes is not for them.

Finally the 'C' wired child likes plenty of opportunities to investigate and discover. While they might enjoy a science or computer camp, they could be equally happy pursuing their own projects at home. Encourage them in their quest for the right way to do things.

Well, there you have it. A unique way of looking at your summer plans based on your child's personality style. So often we feel compelled to send all our children to camp or sign them all up for swim team. However, sometimes the activity doesn't fit the personality. First recognize your child's unique strengths and gifts and then plan your summer accordingly. The lazy days of summer will go much more smoothly.

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Do you know a child who loves to write?  Consider the writing camp that I am offering this summer.  Check out the details on the events page.

Ten Summertime Writing Activities to Create Memories

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School Is All Over


School is all over
I'm in the next grade--
And it's picnics and popsicles,
Pink lemonade,
Sunburns and sailing
And feet that are bare
T-shirts and sneakers
And sand in my hair,
Swimming and rowing
And fisherman's fun.
It's hard to believe it,
But summer's begun.
—Alice Low


Don't we all love summer? I think this poem by Alice Low perfectly sums up this special time!  I especially love the beginning of summer when it seems like an endless span of time stretching forever into the future. Kids and adults alike especially need unstructured days of carefree fun.

Summertime Memories

As a kid I remember roaming around with friends all day exploring, pretending, and playing. Summertime nowadays means working parents, summer camps, neighborhood pools, all-star all-summer sports teams, water-parks and theme parks, video games and Wii; I didn't have any of that growing up in the 50's and 60's. Family vacation for my sister and me was traveling to North Carolina to visit relatives.  It was days spent at the beach swimming and building sand castles. I'm not sure if children of this era aren't missing those lazy hazy summertime days of yesteryear where we created our own fun rather than expected to be entertained. 
Here’s what summertime meant to me:

·         Sleeping in until the sun was blazing in my bedroom window. No air conditioning back then and you had to finally get up to keep from drowning in a pool of sweat.

·         Rising early before anyone was up and wandering about the yard. Everything felt so new, fresh and brilliant with life.

·         Fishing for shiners in the lake across the street. Snagging catfish instead and trying to figure out how to get them off the hook.

·         Riding our bikes until we found a new creek to explore, a new field to play in

·         Creating whole fantasy worlds, populating them with characters, conflicts, friendships. Acting out all the parts with my best friend and next door neighbor. We were drama queens before anyone had even thought of the stereotype.

·         Giving ourselves new names that we thought were more romantic and more suiting our character. Actually using them to talk to each other.

·         Writing my first novel but--never getting past the first chapter which I rewrote over and over

·         Playing games for hours; Monopoly, Canasta, Parcheesi

·         Early nesters we were, creating forts wherever we went; in the woods, in the garage rafters, under the jungle gym covered with an old blanket

·         Going to the library and checking out stacks of books, then lying in bed reading them for hours until my body was stiff from the lack of movement

·         Neighborhood Fourth of July parties on the beach. Getting up early and arriving before the sun was even up. Cooking eggs in a skillet over the fire for breakfast then playing all day long in the sand and the waves.

·         Playing tag and hide and go seek just as it was getting dark. Mom calling us inside when we wanted to stay up forever and keep playing.

Creating Summertime Memories through Writing

Summertime is a great time to create family memories and to capture them in writing.  There are loads of ways to not only encourage writing throughout the summer but to create a legacy that you can look back on or build upon in years to come.  Here's ten ways you can engage your child in writing throughout the summer. Don't just give them as an assignment though. Do them with your child!

· Take your child on an artist date to purchase some things to make writing fun. This doesn't have to be expensive. The dollar store works fine. Consider a special notebook, pen or pencil or some stickers.

· Write about summer time activities but from the perspective of someone or something else. What would the dog have to say about playing in the yard or a visit to the park? Write from the point of view of an object. Does the frisbee like being thrown around or is it tired?

· Keep a simple travel log--each day list the place, the best thing about the day and the worst thing about the day, draw pictures to illustrate both.  What if you aren’t traveling?  Make an “I Wish Travel Log”  and imagine where you’d like to go.

· Send Wish You Were Here postcards to friends and relatives who live far away--even if you aren't traveling. Tell them what you miss about them.

· Make a summer newspaper. Have a special events section, a recipe section, sports or weather section, a whatever-topic-you-like section.

· Start a summer memoir. Start with the first summer your child remembers and record memories of each year. Find pictures that go with each summer and add them.

· Create a summertime collage with pictures and words cut out of magazines.

· At the end of the each day, write one sentence or even just one adjective that describes the day on a calendar.  Save the calendar every summer and you have instant history and memories!

· Start a gratitude journal. Each day write something you are grateful for. Focus on one person for a week or a month and write something each day about that person that you are grateful for. Give them the journal when you finish.

· Keep a book-graphy or a videogame-graphy or a dessert-graphy. Record games played, scores and any additional pointers or notes for future players. Record favorite desserts. Describe what makes them so special. Include a recipe.

I hope you enjoy your summer and create lasting family memories!!

Do you have a child who loves to write?  Sign them up for the Writing Camp that I will be teaching this summer!! Details are on the Upcoming Events Page!

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A How to Guide to Pinterest for Teachers

(Photo credit: Great British Chefs)

Teachers LOVE Pinterest!  I have lots of friends who tell me that they now spend more time on Pinterest than they do on facebook.  Do you feel that way?  Or is it a site you've not looked at yet?  If the latter is true, I'd definitely encourage you to try it. Pinterest has become one of the best ways to share creative ideas and lessons out there.  I recently took at class on Pinterest through my school system (I'm not kidding, it's that helpful for teachers!) and although I was already a Pinterest fan, I still learned a lot. 

Why is Pinterest so engaging? Pinterest is informative, visual, interactive AND a great way to share creative ideas for lesson plans or classroom activities.  Of course most teachers don't just have a board for school.  There's also a board for recipes, home design and gorgeous locations to vacation!  At least that's some of the boards that I have created.

What is Pinterest?  It is a website that is nothing more than a huge bulletin board where you can "pin" or attach pictures and web addresses of things that you like on the web. Find the perfect lesson for Earth Day?  Then create a link on your school board and you can refer back to it easily without searching for days for the elusive site that described it.  Discover a recipe for Grandma's chocolate cake?  Pin it to your dessert recipe board and you'll never be frantically searching for it again.

Joining Pinterest and Setting Up Boards

Here's how the site works.  First you must set up an account.  You can do that here by going to http://pinterest.com and click on Join Pinterest.  Masure that you choose to sign up with your email address not facebook or twitter. 

Next you can create a profile and your boards.  In the beginning, there is a tendency to create general topics for your boards but I will advise you now to go ahead and start out being more specific.  I started with a board called school and it wasn't long before I was scrolling through way too many different topics to find the perfect book for a lesson.  Now I have them divided into categories:  guidance lessons, books for children etc.

As you set up your boards you will notice that at the bottom there is the option for a secret board.  I really couldn't figure this out at first but discovered that sometimes brides use it to plan for a wedding, you might use it to plan a surprise party or anything else that you want to collect articles for but don't want others to know about. There is even an option where you can share the secret board with someone else if you are planning an activity together.

Searching Pinterest for Great Stuff

Whenever you log in to Pinterest, lots of items that others have pinned to their boards show up.  You can follow other teachers that you know to learn about their lessons and activities. You can also search the site for certain topics or just look at the general or popular things that are pinned.  There is so much information on Pinterest that you can spend hours scanning and pinning.  It is great fun!

Adding a "Pin It" Button to Your Toolbar

Finally you will want to add a "pin" button to your tool bar so that when you are searching the web, you can pin lesson plans or books or whatever onto your boards. Many sites now include a "pin it" button but if it doesn't have one you can easily add it to your toolbar by logging into pinterest, selecting goodies from the toolbar and dragging the "pin it" button provided to your toolbar.  Pretty simple!

Pinterest is a wonderful resource for schools!  I'd love to hear how you are using Pinterest in your school counseling or teaching career. Also, please follow me on Pinterest so we can network and share ideas!

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An Arts Festival and a Guidance Lesson on Careers in the Arts

 This week is the Arts Festival at my school and what an extravaganza of talent we have at Sixes!! 

The walls are covered with student's art work. Just take a look!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The night of the festival will be lots of fun!  The Writing Club that Ms. Meek and I sponsor will have a reading of the student's work for parents and friends.  Here are a few of them hard at work.

An improv group and a ballet group will provide entertainment for the whole school. There will be lots of time for guests to oooh and awww over the masterpieces on the wall.

I will be teaching guidance lessons all week on careers in the arts.  This is one of my favorite lessons because it culminates in a class poster of all the career choices that students have chosen.  Here are a couple of examples of the posters: 

Didn't they do a great job?  Below is the lesson that I taught.  I'd love to hear about Arts Festivals at other schools.  How do you incorporate guidance lessons into the week?

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Lesson:  Career Cluster-Arts, AV/Technology & Communications

Objectives:

• Students will identify Arts, AV/Tehnology & Communications as a career cluster


• Students will be able to define the words: career, job, artist, author, illustrator, musician, dancer, career cluster 
• Students will identify career choices in the Arts, AV/technology and Communications

Lesson:

1. Discuss with students:  Whatare some careers in the arts?  What are some examples?  (photographer, interior designer, artist, sculptor, writer,  fashion designer, conductor, composer, costume designer, musician, actor, dancer, film maker)  Discuss what these careers have in common.  How are they different?
2. Read a book:  The Art Lesson by Tomie de Paola  or Author A True Story by Helen Lester. 
3. Make a poster of class careers using career cut outs-Share the poster with the class and have students talk about their career choice and what they will do in the future to prepare for this career

Materials:

·         Book:  TheArt Lesson by Tomie de Paola or Author A True Story by Helen Lester

·         Handout:  Career Cutouts-Seventy-five different career cutouts to color