Personality Styles And Gift Giving

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Christmas is almost upon us and as usual there is a lot of discussion about gifts. A big dilemma for me when my children were little was what to get them and how much to get them. The lists they gave me seemed endless and didn't really help because they changed continually, depending on the current toy being advertised on television. Just when I thought I had a plan, the number one gift suddenly plummeted to number twenty and something new was number one. I was frustrated and concerned. What's a  'C' wired parent to do? 

I suspect that how you shop and plan your Christmas gift giving with your children is reflective of how you are wired.  If you are mostly 'D' wired, then you probably take charge early on, determine what gifts are best for your child, purchase them and and move on to accomplishing other things.  While others are agonizing over what to buy, you're probably wondering, "What's the big deal?"  If you are 'I' wired you probably love the Christmas season with all the festivities and parties and you finally get around to some serious shopping a few days before Christmas or even Christmas eve.  And a list?  Who needs a list?  You just buy what is shiny and appealing at the moment. If you are 'S' wired you really go out of your way to make Christmas special and to find gifts that your child will treasure and remember forever.  Sometimes you  have trouble figuring out just what that will be because you want to please everyone.  Finally, if you are 'C' wired, you have probably gotten a list together months ago so that you could research the best deal and get the best value.  You too have agonized over finding the best presents but you are not only concerned about getting what your children want but also with getting good quality and providing gifts that are educational or meaningful. Oh, and your shopping was done months ago...

I recently read a blog where the writer suggested that parents buy each child three gifts: one gift that the child wants, one that they need and one that is a surprise. I think this suggestion is fabulous and with a little tweaking, it appeals to all the personality types out there.  It seems to cover all the possibilities. It has an element of fun, an element of practicality or educational value and it also gives the child a choice but forces some prioritizing of items. I so wish I had known this years ago. If you try it, I'd love to hear how it works out!  Does your family have a tradition of gift giving?  Is it at least, in part determined by the personality styles of your family?

How Many Positive Comments Does It Take?

I've been reading the book, The Happiness Advantage recently and it talks about the benefits of just such an approach to the people in our lives. I started thinking, "What if we as parents and teachers made sure that the ratio of our positive to negative comments to children was at least three to one?" In other words, for every negative comment we made, we followed-up with three positive comments. How would our environment change... or would we even notice?

It turns out that a lot of research has been done on this very thing by psychologist and business consultant, Marcial Losada. Based on Losada's extensive mathematical modeling, 2.9013 is the ratio of positive to negative interactions necessary to ensure success. Known as the 'Losada Line', the studies show that if you rise above this line (and ideally a ration of six to one is best), then teams produce their very best work. Sounds too easy to be true doesn't it?  Focusing on positive interactions and making sure that we provide a positive environment with more encouragement than negativity can just by itself ensure success.  This isn't about behavior charts or prizes for behavior, althought those things are often helpful.  This is about recognizing that we all perform best when we receive positive recognition for our efforts.  We know this is true for adults, but how often do we as adults feel that our job as parents and teachers is to instruct and correct children, but that positive feedback is nice but not really necessary?  How often have you heard someone say, "Why do I have to compliment them on good behavior when that is just what they are expected to do anyway?"  Turns out we can all figure out why from our own lives... positive feedback is important because we all flourish and perform best in a positive environment.  I know I do... what about you?