Do For One What You Wish You Could Do For All

Think outside the box... it's where the best ideas live. (Photo credit: ArtJonak)

In my last post, I discussed Andy Stanley's idea that being fair is a bad idea.  This is certainly thinking outside the box.  Just as Americans believe the Constitution gives us all a right to be happy, most also think that life should be fair.  We expect our government, our judicial system,  our personal and professional relationships to be fair.  How often have the children, the students in your life said, "It's not fair!"  How often have your coworkers complained to you, "It's not fair!"  How much of your time as a mom, a teacher, a boss is spent trying to be fair to all concerned?  Do you refrain from doing certain things because if you did it for one, you'd feel obligated to do it for all?

Andy Stanley's recommendation is to quit trying to be fair in all circumstances.  Not only is it often not possible, he goes even further and says that because it is not possible to give to all, we decide to do nothing for anyone.  This results in us being uninvolved and disconnected.  Instead he recommends; "Do for one, what you wish you could do for all."  Because of the interest in this post,  I thought I would elaborate further on how he suggests that you should follow this principle.

• Go Deep instead of Wide--Rather than try to meet the needs of all, select one or two who show potential and motivation. Give them special attention in the area of exceptional ability.  Oprah Winfrey had a third grade teacher who recognized her potential in the midst of her great insecurity.  She allowed her to stay after school regularly where she mentored and encouraged her.  Andy Stanley has a select group of developing leaders that he meets with on a weekly basis to teach and inspire.
• Go long-term instead of short term-- Once committed, don't just offer a few short sessions of counseling or coaching or teaching and send them on their way so you can develop someone else.  Instead continue for a long enough period of time to really show some results.  Dr. Benjamin Mays took the young student, Martin Luther King Junior under his supportive wings and developed a lifelong friendship.
• Give Time instead of money--Writing a check might be part of the experience but don't let it be the only part.  Time is a much more valuable and life changing commodity.  Devote regular time to encouraging and empowering someone.  

Where could you apply this principle?  Is there someone who needs your nurturing encouraging relationship so that they can flourish?  

Can You Teach Without Using Carrots?

Carrots on display at local greengrocer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was recently talking with a first grade teacher about teaching and motivating students.  She told me a story about a lesson where she had spent a good bit of time talking about cows in her classroom.  At the end of the discussion, one of her highly motivated and very attentive students raised her hand and inquired, “I forget, is it the boy cow or the girl cow that has gutters?”  At least, she grasped the concept even if she was a little iffy on the vocabulary!

I’ve written a blog post or two about teaching and motivating children.  This is always an ongoing concern among educators; however, I recently read a blog on Connected Principals  written by Chris Wejr entitled, Engaging Without Carrots and Sticks that really nailed it.  Here’s the link:   http://connectedprincipals.com/archives/5755   It stated that students come to school ready and eager to learn but that the educational system often replaces intrinsic motivation with external motivators, “carrots” as they called them in the post.  In other words, tokens, rewards, prizes, grades, etc.  In other words we sabotage our own environment by establishing these reward systems. Children become dependent on outside forces in order to be motivated and without them they lose their curiosity and motivation.  Without arguing about whether this is so or not, what would we replace these carrots with?  Here’s the suggestions for motivators that teachers can use:

• ·       Great teachers develop a relationship with their students. They get to know their students and students get to know their teachers.  Because they know and understand their students, they celebrate their strengths.
• ·       Great teachers give students ownership of their learning--Teachers are responsible for providing a creative learning environment, but ultimately students have responsibility for taking the initiative.
• ·       Great teachers give students a choice-while students don’t always have a choice about  what it is necessary to learn (because of curriculum requirements teachers don't have that choice either!), they can have a choice in many aspects of how, when and where they learn. 
• ·       Great teachers make their lessons relevant to students’ current interests and their lives.  This doesn’t mean that they have to be knowledgeable about every current fad, only that they  relate the information to the practical world.
• ·       Great teachers ensure success for each student by working in their strengths and encouraging them to recognize and maximize them.

     What do you think about using the above as 'carrots' rather than the usual extrinsic rewards.  Would it work? I'd love to hear your experience...

How Can You Use Personality Style To Motivate Children?

Peeled, whole, and longitudinal section (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A good friend's daughter has a three year old who calls banana peels, 'nano wrappers'. This is pretty funny in itself but the story she told me recently is hysterical. Apparently while riding in the car and eating a banana, Walter's mother took the 'nano wrapper' and tossed it out the window. Walter having been taught never to throw anything out the window was horrified at his mother's actions and in great distress, told her she shouldn't do that. She explained to him that banana peels are good for the earth and animals might eat them so it really was not bad to throw 'nano wrappers' outside. He considered this new information for a few seconds, then leaned out the window and yelled, "Birds! Birds! Nano wrappers are good!" She laughed so hard, she had to pull off the road.

A common topic among teachers and parents alike is how to motivate and encourage children to do the things they need to do; homework, learn their multiplication tables, practice the piano, clean their room.  Often you hear the teacher or parent complain, "They're just not motivated!  I've tried everything I can think of. Even losing privileges isn't working!"  Does this sound like you?  Have you said this?

One important aspect of encouragement and motivation is understanding the DISC personality style of the child. When it comes to motivation, one size does not fit all.   For instance, if you have a 'D' wired child, that is one who is strong-willed, determined, decisive and action oriented, you can use their personality style to motivate them.   'D' personalities are very competitive and love a challenge, so setting a goal to give their energy some direction will be very successful. Their secret fuel is getting results, so be sure to have a way for them to track their accomplishments.

'I' wired children are interactive, inspirational, influencing.  They are great starters but not such great finishers.  Since they thrive on social interaction and recognition, setting a goal that involves a social network to support and encourage them to achieve it would be best.  Add in an element of fun and the I wired child will be hooked.

'S' wired children are steady, stable, sweet and like the status quo.  They are great finishers but often have difficulty starting tasks.  They are very tuned in to the needs of others and will work to accomplish a goal as much to please you as to please themselves.  Select a goal that they can commit to with your support or the support of a close friend to motivate them to get going. Give them lots of encouragement and let them know how much you appreciate their efforts along the way.

Finally, 'C' wired children are cautious, careful, competent and concerned.  They love to develop and research a goal.  If they are committed, they will work hard to accomplish the task.  Help them see the big picture so that they don't get lost in the details and you will have a winning combination. Provide them with good value for their work, quality answers to their questions and let them know the 'right' thing to do  and they will be motivated to complete the task.

Learning to set and accomplish goals is an important skill to learn.  Following through on those goals and staying motivated to the end can be difficult, but if  you speak your child's personality language, you can ensure that they are successful.  Sometimes like the birds, we just need to know what is good for us!

What is your experience with motivating children?  What works with your child?

Want a great book to teach even the youngest child about personality styles?  Try this one: