Do You Sometimes Think You Are Speaking Chinese?

When my children were little we visited my sister in San Fransisco for the first time.  While we were there, we spent a day in Chinatown, enjoying all the unusual sights and sounds.  My youngest daughter, Hayley, was about four years old and was fascinated with the language that she heard all around her.  So fascinated that she felt she could not only imitate the language but that she could communicate as well.  To our great embarrassment, she spent most of the time talking loudly and with great enthusiasm to every passersby in what she imagined was Chinese...

Do you ever feel that you are communicating with those around you only to find out they are on a whole other wavelength?   Do you feel like they are speaking a totally different language? Do you feel like you are missing a key concept? Probably happens more than we would like to think.  One reason this happens is that we don't take into account the personality profile of the person we are talking with and how that differs from our own personality type.  For instance, if you are a D type personality, chances are your interaction is very direct, forceful and results oriented.  Works pretty well if you are talking to another D or perhaps a C personality.  If you are talking to a S type though, you are probably coming across as overwhelming and maybe even intimidating.  If you are an I type personality, you love to talk and interact which works well if you are talking and interacting with another I or even an S personality.  But what if  you are talking to a C personality who just wants to know the facts, not the social chatter?  Would you know how to best communicate?  What if you understood the needs or  the secret fuel of the personality you were trying to communicate with? Would it make a difference?  You better believe it!

Do You Wish You Could Swap Your Personality For Another?

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I have a friend whose child used to call fly swatters...fly swappers. Makes you think doesn't it? What would you swap a fly for if you had a chance?

When it comes to personalities, do you sometimes wish that you could swap your personality for another? If you are reserved, do you wish that you could be more outgoing? If you are task oriented, do you sometimes wish that you could be more people focused? While we are all uniquely wired and more comfortable operating out of our own personality type, it is certainly possible to "visit" some of the other personality traits. For instance, if you are not usually a leader, a 'D' personality, it is possible to develop leadership traits based on the need to use them in your home or work environment. Or even if you are naturally a very fun loving spontaneous 'I' type, it is possible to develop organizational skills when needed to manage your business in a responsible way.

Each of the four personality types has it's own unique gifts and strengths. No one personality is better than another.Each one can use it's strengths to grow and develop. Each one can push them to the point of being a weakness. Within the four personality types, there are the possibility of a total of forty personality blends. It is important to note that very few people have only one personality type. In fact, about 80% of the population have two components that are high. The trick is to identify what characteristics are called for based on the situation. Each personality needs to spend most of their time working in their strengths. At the same time they need to recognize when they should raise their less dominant characteristics based on the needs of the situation.

What does this mean for you and your child? What is the best way to encourage your child’s strengths while at the same time helping them deal with situations that challenge them? Firstly, it is important that when your child is old enough to understand their personality type that you explain to them what you see as their strengths. Point out to them when you see them using those qualities in a positive way as well as when they become a weakness. It is also important that they recognize situations where they are challenged so they can enhance those qualities when called for. Finally, enjoy the unique qualities that make up your child. The differences we all have is what makes our families special and unique.

Inspirational “I” Personalities

Have you recognized your child’s personality in the examples so far? There is one more left and it is the child with the high I profile. See if you can tell the characteristics of this child from the following letter. It was written to Bethany Hamilton, the young surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack. We studied Bethany’s story in a guidance lesson about people who overcame great difficulties and finished strong. Here’s the letter:

Dear Bethany,

My name is Carleigh. I’m enjoying learning about you. What do you like to do when you’re not surfing? Are you still surfing? Are you married, and do you have any kids? Lots of people like you. You are the people’s competition winner! Oh, yay, have a great Halloween and have a great Christmas with your family. And tell your family members have a great day and have great holidays.

Sincerely, Carleigh

P.S. You’re a great surfer and keep up the good work! It’s possible so do what you got to do Bethany! You’re a great person and don’t ever forget that. Your parents raised you swell.

I think from this letter, you might feel like you know more about Carleigh, the student, than Bethany the surfer. Do the words, inspirational, impressionable, imaginative, friendly, talkative, outgoing, enthusiastic, warm and fun come to mind? You have just described the child who is high I. They love to be the center of attentive, are extremely social, excited, warm and friendly. They are a people person, not a task oriented person. If you want someone to boost your spirits or to plan a party, talk to an I personality. However, if you want to get the job done…maybe you want to find another personality type. Just as with all the personalities, the I profile has weaknesses including unfocused, impulsive, unrealistic and directionless. What can you do to help the high I child succeed? Provide the high I child with recognition and they will flourish. At the same time they need to have clear boundaries and be held accountable and responsible. Don’t let them talk their way out of the necessary chores and details of life. You will get better cooperation in this area if you can make their responsibilities into a game or contest. Resist bailing them out when they fail to follow-through and help them develop the discipline necessary to accomplish their goals. Enjoy your high I child as much as they enjoy life!

Princes And Buggers

I’ve written before about Walt, my friend’s grandson who continues to charm all the adults in his life with his adorable observations. His preschool class was having a prince and princess theme day and he was dressed for the part in his special grown up suit. On the drive to school, he informed his mother that he didn’t think he could be a prince after all…the reason? Princes don’t have buggers and he had lots of them. His mother looked over to see that he had evidence of the fact on the tip of his finger.


Walter is an excellent example of an S personality type. They are steady, stable and supportive. They are people pleasers and servants who consider others and their needs. S type children are delightful to be around and if you have one in your family, you are blessed. Teachers especially enjoy having S type students in their classroom. They are highly motivated to perform and please the adults around them. They are the students who draw a picture or write you a letter to let you know that you are the best teacher in the world. About 30-35% of the population is wired with the S type personality and they are most commonly found in service industry jobs. Teachers and nurses for instance, are usually S types.

What is the downside of the S type personality? They often are too devoted to pleasing others. They may need to learn that friendship sometimes needs to take second place to other aspects of their lives. In addition, they need to learn that conflict can be healthy and necessary. Be sure to balance doing things for your S child with encouraging the child to do things for himself. They can be such smooth talking charmers that you wind up wondering why you gave permission for some activity in the first place! They will need to learn to form opinions for themselves and not to be easily influenced by others who have a more dominant personality.

Does Your Child Say Who? Why?

So your child isn't a lion or a strong willed child.  What are the other options?  My youngest child was the child who asked questions constantly. Not only did she ask questions until you thought you would scream, she would argue with you when you gave her an answer.  Here's an example.  One day she asked me how babies came out.  Trying to be the helpful, informative mom, I launched into  all the details.  When I finished, she looked at me with a sort of exasperated look and said, "No, I mean do they come out on a conveyor belt or what?"

That's an example of a C or competent personality.  They are cautious, careful, have great critical thinking skills, conscientious, love to be correct, and consistent, just to name a few descriptive words.  They tend to be extremely gifted and make up about 20-25% of the population.  Sometimes they have a perfectionistic, idealistic personality and can be very loyal to ideas and traditions. Not as outgoing as the determined or D type they tend to be task oriented instead of people oriented.  This is a child who benefits from sincere praise and appreciation of a job well done.  Criticism should be gentle.  They cannot be rushed or pushed since quality and details are important to them.  They need time to make decisions since they like to gather the facts and do things correctly. Developing parental patience is an important quality to have if you have a C type child.  The animal associated with this personality?  An owl.

Is Your Child A Lion?

I have a comic strip on my door at work that has a little boy telling his Dad, "You'll never be as smart as me dad.  Back when God built your brain...he was using older technology."  Pretty clever, huh?  Probably hits home for many parents like me who rely on younger children to tweak their websites, blog posts and download all kinds of materials that seem beyond  our older antiquated computer competencies.  Just last night I was trying to insert a picture into a profile  and guess what happened?  The picture on my desktop became so enlarged that I could literally count the hairs on my head.  Gives a new meaning to the term, 'Big hair" doesn't it?  My daughter was amazed at what I had done...not pleasantly impressed but amazed none the less.

There's another aspect of this cartoon that I like to focus on:  How is this kid wired?  What is his personality style?  Not hard to guess if you are familiar with the  DISC profile.  Sounds like a D profile to me.  Often represented as a lion or an eagle, here are some words to describe them: determined, decisive, demanding, takes charge, bold, self-reliant, independent, confident, direct, competitive, challenges the status quo.  Sound like anyone in your house?  If so, I bet you are wondering how can you create a climate that ensures peace in your household while still ensuring success for the D wired child?  Here's a few recommendations:  Provide them with a challenge as well as some control in order to get their best cooperation.  Give them room to not only grow but fail when necessary.  Crystal clear boundaries, preferably written down, so they know your expectations will be essential.  The more you can encourage ownership of the situation, the better will be their cooperation and participation.

How Are You Wired?

It's the beginning of a new school year and as I meet new students and welcome returning students, I am always struck by how different each child's response is to returning to school.  I often ask students as part of a lesson to think back to the first day of school and remember how they felt.  The response is everything from shy and nervous to excited and happy. We are all wired differently!

There are lots of great resources and books about starting school and a very clever book that I just found is Brand-new Pencils, Brand-new Books by Diane deGroat.  It is the story of Gilbert who is starting first grade and his sister Lola who is starting preschool.  The reader follows Gilbert through his first day jitters and concerns about having a nice teacher, having work that is too hard and making friends.  This book would be a great one to reassure an anxious child about the first day of school and the situations they could expect to encounter at school.

Another resource for determining your child's personality style is a website called http://www.mywiredstyle.com/ .  Deb Ingino who created a program based on the DISC profile for children, is passionate about understanding your child's wired style and then focusing on their strengths.  Both parent and child can  benefit from a better understanding of their wired style and how this impacts their learning style and their relationships with others.